Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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