I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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