Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
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its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
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My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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