her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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