HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
