The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Are we still banned from the library?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
