i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
