i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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