When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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