I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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