We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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