JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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