Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
