Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
