8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
