I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
