We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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