I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
