One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
