i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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