batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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