NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
