i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
