It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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