At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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