He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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