PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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