I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
