everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
