As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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