Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
