At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
