I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
