College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
