I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
