are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
