As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Randomize
