My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
