I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
