I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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