I think my fart just growled at me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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