I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
