I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
