he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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