I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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