All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
