I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
