It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize