I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
