I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
