she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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