On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
