Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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