Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
