he wants to bone in the snuggie
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
