no, he came in my armpit
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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