i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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