the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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