I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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