I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
