Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
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just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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