I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
