Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
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