lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
