Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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