you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
