I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
