Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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