Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
