Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
