And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
