wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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